somehowfunctional.com ("we," "us," "the site") Last updated: July 12, 2026
This page says the important things directly, without softening them, because we think that's more respectful than burying them in fine print. If you only read one legal-ish page on this site, make it this one.
1. Do not use a tool result to make a safety decision
This is the most important sentence on this page, so it goes first.
Do not use anything this site tells you to decide whether it is safe to:
- drive, ride, or operate machinery
- take another dose, or another drink
- combine substances, including with prescription medication
- stop, skip, or change a medication or treatment
- delay seeking emergency care
No tool here can tell you whether you are sober, safe, impaired, unimpaired, at risk of overdose, at risk of withdrawal, or medically okay. They cannot determine impairment. If you are trying to answer "am I safe to drive right now," the answer this site can give you is: we don't know, and neither does any calculator. Don't drive.
2. Not medical advice
Nothing on this site — the blog, the resources page, or any output from any tool — is medical advice, a diagnosis, or a treatment plan. It does not replace a doctor, therapist, addiction medicine specialist, or emergency care. If you have questions about your health, your medications, or your substance use, talk to a qualified professional.
If you're in crisis, skip to Section 7 now and read the rest later.
3. Regulatory status
The tools here are intended as general informational and personal-awareness tools. They have not been reviewed, cleared, or approved by the FDA or any other regulator as medical devices. We do not present them as diagnostic, and we do not design them to diagnose, treat, cure, mitigate, or prevent any condition. (Note that regulatory status is determined by a product's intended use and functions, not by a disclaimer — so this is a statement about how these tools are built and presented, not a legal shield we're claiming.)
4. What the tools calculate — and what they don't
Every tool on this site produces estimates from published, population-level models. They are not measurements of your body.
Any output can be wrong, sometimes badly, because of:
- Inputs. Garbage in, garbage out. Misjudged drink sizes, forgotten entries, wrong timestamps.
- Unknown composition or potency. You often don't actually know what's in what you took, or how strong it is.
- Individual physiology. Metabolism, liver function, body composition, tolerance, genetics, illness.
- Interactions. Other substances and medications can dramatically change how something is processed.
- Delayed or variable absorption. Food, hydration, route of administration.
- The limits of the underlying science. Published models describe populations, with wide individual variation.
- Implementation error. We write bugs. We correct them when we find them, and disclose them (Section 5).
An estimate from a tool here is not a lab result, not a certified reading, and not predictive of what any actual test, device, or professional assessment will show.
Our standing principle: if a number can't be produced honestly, we don't manufacture one to fill the space. Where the science doesn't support a personalized figure — even when users want one — the tool says so rather than displaying something that looks precise but isn't. Where a model must choose between erring toward flagging and erring toward clearing, it errs toward flagging: we'd rather be overly cautious than falsely reassuring.
5. Tool-specific limitations
Each tool documents its own specifics — what it calculates, what it deliberately refuses to calculate and why, known gaps between its estimates and real-world results, and corrections we've made — in its own in-app disclaimers and Sources & Corrections section. That is the place to check before relying on any number for something that matters. This page covers what's true across all of them; it is not a substitute for the tool-specific notes.
6. Not a compliance, monitoring, or testing tool
These tools are for your own awareness. They are not:
- a substitute for a court-ordered, employer-mandated, or clinically administered test
- a way to "prove" compliance, sobriety, abstinence, or any other status to a third party
- connected to, reporting to, or shared with any employer, court, testing agency, insurer, or probation/parole authority
Nothing you log is transmitted anywhere by these tools. See the Privacy Policy for the technical detail — including the parts we can't control, like monitoring software on your own device.
7. If you're in crisis right now
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services and go to your nearest emergency room. In the United States that is 911. Emergency numbers differ by country — if you're outside the US, use your country's emergency number (for example, 112 across much of Europe, 999 in the UK, 000 in Australia).
For mental health, suicide, or substance use crisis support, our Resources page lists hotlines and services. If you're reading this in a moment where things feel like too much, please consider reaching out to one of those before doing anything else on this site.
This site is not monitored for emergencies. Nobody is watching your tracker. The contact form is not a crisis line, is not monitored continuously, and may take days to reach a human. Please do not use it as a way to reach help urgently.
Hotlines, services, and contact details change. We check them periodically and try to keep them current, but we cannot guarantee that a listed resource is still operating or reachable at the moment you need it.
8. Advertising
The site's general pages may carry advertising in the future. No advertising appears on tracker pages or the wrapper pages around them — see the Privacy Policy for where that line sits and why. An ad appearing anywhere on this site is not an endorsement: we do not select individual advertisers, and we're aware that ad networks sometimes serve exactly the kind of thing this audience should not be pitched. Report anything predatory via the contact form.
9. What we can't protect you from
Our privacy promises cover what we do with your data. They cannot cover the rest of the chain between you and us.
On your device: employer management software (MDM), parental controls, spyware or stalkerware, screen recording, malware. Any of these can capture what you type and view, including inside our tools. If you're tracking something sensitive on a work laptop, assume your employer can see it.
On your network: corporate, school, and some public networks run TLS "break and inspect" proxies. Where your device is configured to trust one, HTTPS does not hide page contents from it.
Between you and us: HTTPS hides what's on a page, not which site you connected to. Your DNS resolver sees the domain you looked up. Your ISP or mobile carrier can see that you connected to somehowfunctional.com, along with your IP address and when. They cannot see which page you read or what you logged — but the connection itself is visible. Encrypted DNS, a trusted VPN, or Tor shifts who sees what; none of them makes it nobody.
On our side: our host and CDN log that a request was made — IP, URL, timestamp — for every page, tracker pages included. They never see your entries, because your entries never leave your browser. But the request is logged, like it is on every website in the world.
None of this is unique to us. It's how the web works, and we'd rather say it than let "your data never leaves your device" quietly imply "nobody can tell you were here." The Privacy Policy covers all of this properly — it's worth the two minutes.
Practical version: if it matters that nobody knows you came here at all, use a device you own, on a network you trust, and consider a VPN or Tor. If it matters that nobody reads what you logged, that part we've actually got — it never leaves the machine you typed it on.
10. Harm reduction, not encouragement or discouragement
This site takes a harm-reduction stance: people are safer when they're informed, not when they're managed or preached at. Providing direct, detailed information about substance use — including tracking and estimation tools — is not an endorsement of use, and it is not an attempt to get you to stop. What you do with the information is yours to decide.
11. Age
This site and its tools are intended for adults (18+). They deal plainly with substance use and are not designed for, or appropriate for, minors.
12. Relationship to the other documents
This page works alongside our Terms of Service, Privacy Policy, and Code of Conduct. Where those address liability and data handling in formal terms, this page tries to say the same things plainly, without the legal cushioning getting in the way of the point.
13. Contact
Questions about this page or a specific tool's disclaimers: contact form.